Vol. 3 No. 4
IN THIS ISSUE:
Pop-haters get the Boot!
Hanson pages will be nuked
HitlerCities respects your Privacy
Non-Intel Processors Will Ruin Your Computer
Microsoft isnt really spying on you...our ex-reporter goofed
More advertiser sell-outs
Newest Bribes To Make You Put Up With Advertiser Sell-Outs
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POP-HATERS GET THE BOOT! SORRY, CRITICISM NOT ALLOWED HERE
Effective immediately, anyone sharing a negative opinion regarding our popup CrashAds will have their site deleted immediately and may face legal charges. Pophating is now listed as an offense in our Content Guidelines, and any attempt to speak unflatteringly of any of our advertising programs will be interpreted as Defamation and legal action will be actively pursued to the fullest extent possible under the law. So if you value your car, house and other possessions, Don't criticise our advertising programs!
HANSON PAGES WILL BE NUKED
HitlerCities regrets to inform all members with Hanson and/or Spice Girls tribute pages that such material has been identified as frightening to potential advertisers and must be deleted immediately. Anyone found noncompliant by next Tuesday will get a visit from our GeoStapo and may be billed on a pro-rata basis for advertising dollars that they may have scared off. Again, anyone with a Hanson or Spice Girls page is *strongly* encouraged to make use of our Golden Boot utility at <
HITLERCITIES RESPECTS YOUR PRIVACY
NON-INTEL PROCESSORS WILL RUIN YOUR COMPUTER!
This message is to inform all users of our HitlerCities site that it is coded in such a way that it performs faster with a Pentium® II Processor. ($$$ Plug money, chaa-ching! $$$) Furthermore, anyone accessing with a competitor's chip will face the possibility that this page will cause your non-Intel chip/computer to self destruct. So, be sure to upgrade to the latest Pentium® II processor technology today!
MICROSOFT ISN'T REALLY SPYING ON YOU!
In our last World Report it was reported that Microsoft is using its Windows/MSIE monopoly to spy on its customers. This is not true. Apparently, our ex-reporter made a mistake when he chose to print such a story. Coincidentally, this reporter died mysteriously just minutes after publication. Details are sketchy, but a witness is said to have seen the reporter skydiving over southern California with a concrete parachute. Police declined to comment on his mysterious demise.
HITLERCITIES SELLS OUT AGAIN!
Your dear friends here at HitlerCities have done it for you once again--More enhanced, value-added Services for your benefit! The latest useful Service we have lined up for you is the absolutely free HitlerCities Weight Loss Program, with the helpful partnership of TeleTouch Networks, Inc. How it works is, we sell your home phone number to TeleTouch, whose network of Telemarketers around the globe will call you repeatedly during the evening to constantly interrupt your dinner. Instant weight loss! You'll see results after just a few short weeks! Be sure to thank us for doing this for you (without your foreknowledge or consent, but we're sure you wont mind) at <
AND THE LATEST BRIBERY TO MAKE YOU PUT UP WITH IT
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STUFF YOU'D BETTER KNOW
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Want to provide feedback to HitlerCities admin?
The Black Hole waits to swallow your bytes of wasted breath.
Anything. We want to hear from you. (As long as it's not criticism, because we'll sue you for that.)
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You Are Why We Are Here