HitlerCities - Terms Of Service and Content Guidelines 

  
A Word On Advertising And Servant Responsibility 
  
HitlerCities is an amazing place. With over 2.5 million members and new recruits daily, it is the largest, 'fascist'-growing community on the Web. There's no way in hell that we could've gotten so rich, fat & happy without you, but that won't stop us from biting the many hands that feed us! So, you are required to support our advertisers by bastardizing your homepage with obnoxious and sometimes hazardous advertisements, and buying stuff as necessary to fill your Homesteader Responsibility quota (mailed to you when you sign up a new HitlerCities account.) 
  
Right from the beginning, we've tried to integrate advertising into HitlerCities in a manner which pleases the advertisers the most, with little regard for anyone viewing the bastardized pages, particularly those running crash-prone OSes like Windows 95 and MacOS. For these reasons, we require you to blat either CrashAds or GeoThornInYourSide banners on all of your pages. Any attempt to modify, disable, subvert, criticize, etc. our advertising campaign will result in immediate termination, banning, and possible legal action.
 
Since our selling out to Woohoo!, you agree to give up the perpetual, irrevocable copyrights to your site and everything on it. You give HitlerCities and Woohoo! unlimited free reign to modify, delete, trademark, sell, make derivative works of, bastadize, whore and violate your content for as much money as we possibly can. By reading this paragraph, you have given these rights to Woohoo!HitlerCities. Note that if you do not accept these terms, we have no choice but to sue you.
 
All HitlerCities members are required to provide a link back to HitlerCities on all their pages. Once upon a time we'd let you be creative with it; while we will not automatically add the HTML to your page, anyone not using the 'preferred' link/graphic/HTML source will be on our shit list and will be much more prone to deletion. All new applicants are being required to place their linkback in the form of a cool new HitlerCities Watermark. The Watermark looks like this and will be used to brand you as an inferior Free Member (HitlerPlus and Featured Neighbors may use the standard link-back...) This serves to let people know, from a distance, your standing and how you should be treated. 
 
Click here for a demonstration of the Watermark.
  
Content Guidelines 
  
1. Thou Shalt Keep Holy the HitlerCities Profit Margin 
    That means, make good pages, get as many hits as possible using any means necessary, and keep those ad dollars flowing! Above all else, don't do anything that acts to criticize HitlerCities or its advertisers, and don't do anything else that will scare away the advertisers or in any way piss them off.
2. Thou Shalt Lie, Cheat and Steal to Protect The Supremacy of the State 
    As a HitlerCities member, your primary obligation in life is toward HitlerCities. The State comes before all else, family, friends, bills, little Johnny's insulin payments, etc. Remember, we're here to benefit you.
3. Thou Shalt Keep HC Clean to Appease Advertisers 
    If you find a page that is noncompliant with the terms of this Agreement, you must use the Nark Form on it immediately! Your duty toward HitlerCities includes keeping it clean and friendly for potential advertisers looking for a place to nest.
4. Thou Shalt Have No False Gods... 
    The only Gods allowed are posted on the Acceptable Religions and Gods List which was mailed to you when you signed up your account. Pages mentioning Satanism, Witchcraft, or the Antichrist are expressly forbidden! Jesus Christ and his guys are a grey area...
5. Thou Shalt Not Complain--about Anything! 
    Remember, this is a Free service. We don't have to do Jack Shit for you, so don't complain about FTP not working, server/disk crashes, or having to reinstall Windows from a hundred or so floppies. If you must get some complaint off your chest, use the Black Hole form provided.
Bad Stuff
The following is a list of stuff not allowed. Do anything on this list and you'll be sorry! 
  
HitlerCities does not allow: 
  
  • Kitty Porn
  • Taunting the Advertisers
  • Feeding the trolls
  • <NOSCRIPT>
  • Selling Stuff
  • Wishing you were selling stuff
  • Linking to anyone selling stuff
  • Linking to people we don't like
  • Linking to people that don't like us
  • Linking to people that don't bring us in advertising dollars
  • Complaining about Spam
  • Complaining about Popup Ads
  • Complaining about Banner Ads
  • Complaining about Complaints
  • Complaining about the Complaint form
  • Complaining, general
  • Joining unapproved Webrings
  • Sending any e-mail that has not been pre-approved by HitlerCities
  • Posting unapproved thoughts and opinions
  • Suicide poetry or 'life sucks', etc. 
      • You may be wondering why there is a restriction on suicidal thoughts here. First and foremost, they scare advertisers. Second, suppose someone was on the brink of suicide, and it was your page that pushed them over the edge and led them to actually do it. That would make you guilty of murder. Could you live with that possibility? God knows we can't; talk about liability!
  • Joining banner-exchange programs
  • Creativity and other forms of Independant Thought (please follow the Home Page Template you are assigned)
  • Religious content
  • Lack of a valid religion (see Allowed Religions)
  • Having false gods and/or gods above Hitler/the HitlerCities Cubicle Community
  • Copyright Infringement (unless it brings eyes to our advertisements)
  • Criticism of HitlerCities
  • Criticism of GeoCities (sm), HitlerCities best-est buddies and target of this parody site
  • Criticism of this parody site
  • Criticism of the Critics
  • Being under the age of 13
  • Failure to post a valid Email address/credit card #s/ Mother's maiden Name/ SS#
  • Use of Cookies, Javascript, CGI's or any other method for tracking or monitoring visitors for any purpose whatsoever (only we're allowed to do that!)
  • Nudity, pornography, and Hanson tribute pages (they scare away the advertisers)
  • Defamation (of HitlerCities or HitlerCities advertisers; defaming Tripot, AngelFlame, CrossWarez, GeoShitties, MisfortuneCity, etc. is o.k.)
Terms of Service 
  
HitlerCities reserves the following rights: 
  • To sell targetted advertising on your site
  • To release any information about you we see fit, with or without a court order--if we can unearth it, it's not private info!
  • To sell your name, likeness, homepage, images, all copyrights to any of the aforementioned, splat your face on our next ad
  • Nuke any page that, in our sole opinion, violates any term of this Agreement (and it doesn't matter who the hell's server it's on; we control all our competitors, CrossWinds, Crosshairs, Angelfire, Xoom, Tripod...and all other online media/servers...Netcom, AOL, Earthlink, Globalfrontiers...and most news media...Usenet, Wall St. Journal, TIME, Newsweek, etc....)
  • Trademark anything on pages we don't like, on our servers or otherwise, run to the Webmaster with our trademark papers and get the site nuked if we can't get it nuked any other way
  • to sell the rights to anything you post on our servers, including the right to forbid you to use your own material because we've taken over ownership of it...if you want to continue using it, please send royalties to...
  • Spam you to death
  • Call out the GeoStapo on you for any reason, including violation of this Agreement
  • Track and monitor you, on our servers and off
  • Scam
  • Start MLM programs in your name at any time
  • Terminate your existance for repeat violations of this Agreement
  • do whatever the f--- else we want. Hey, we're HitlerCities!

In closing, HitlerCities appreciates your interest and support of HitlerCities and welcomes you to the community. 

 
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